Category: Writing

This post is “all about me” and all-about-me-isms, inspired by the inanity of self-promotion and the Internet.

1. Medium article titles that begin with a number: I signed up as a subscriber to Medium some months back, thinking that I would enjoy reading the writing of a lot of smart people. With rare exceptions, I have found the content to be lacking. Every other title begins with a number; 3, 5, 7, and 10 are the most popular. Seven things that will change your life. The 10 most imporant things you need to know. Three steps to your future. The site exemplifies all-about-me-ism, and is turning out to be nothing more than another self-promotional platform.
2. Passwords: Like you, I have hundreds of them, and I am using software to manage them. My own passwords are hard enough to deal with, but now I also am responsible for keeping track of 91 year-old mother’s passwords. What once were relatively simple tasks to complete, like logging in or changing one’s password, have become onerous occasions of stepping through an endless sequence of security tasks. Which brings me to…
3. Verification codes: I understand why companies have turned to these as a means to verify that you are who you say you are; it is an extra task that I have become accustomed to. However, my mother, once a tech goddess, no longer can see well, and has some difficulty with processing and information. She also has difficulty with typing, so makes a lot of mistakes. Verification codes are a complete nightmare for her, and therefore, a nightmare to me.
4. Security questions: Of course, I can usually answer my own security questions, unless they are case-sensitive, which sometimes they are. If you have three that need to be submitted at one time, and you have not consistently used cases in their creation, it is almost impossible to resolve. Add to this scenario, keeping track of my mother’s security questions. I now have a lengthy record for her that includes everything from her social security number to the name of her first pet, first teacher, favorite teacher, first car, color of her first car, where she met my father, etc. Sometimes she can remember these things, and sometimes not.
5. Frauds:  People who are not who they pretend to be. See 5 through 10.
6. Phishers: We all have received a phish in our email or messages. Some of us have fallen for them, some of us have not. I don’t judge people who have fallen for phishing schemes. I don’t even judge people for liking the band Phish! Phishers, however, are evil people who prey on the trust of others for financial gain. Often these people are elderly, and sometimes, they are young and naive. I have witnessed it at both ends in my own family, and fortunately we caught the phish before it caught us.
7. Donald J. Trump: The So-called President might be the greatest phisher of all time. His phishing scheme is brilliant. He doesn’t even need to steal people’s identities; he has other people do it for him, members of the dark web, so that his continuous stream of (f)lies can be broadcast over the news lake, hooking unsuspecting and unknowing prey on his line. He reels them in and eats them for lunch. He phishes for souls.
8. Liars: See previous.
9. Cheats: See number 6.
10. Back-stabbers: You know who they are in your own life, in the Whitehouse, in the workplace, at school, and possibly in your own family, and we get to see them in action every day on broadcast and social media. Life has become one giant reality television show, with each person out for him/herself.
11. Recruitment gamers: This is a very specific type of fraud that I have to deal with in my profession. There is a class of people, who game the market research industry to qualify for and participate in paid research studies for which they are not qualified. They are a complete waste of time and money.
12. Bad drivers: See items 12 through 16
13. Oblivious drivers: You know them, you might be one of them. They are the ones who back out of parking spaces without looking. They are the ones putting on their makeup or texting at a stoplight. They are the ones who don’t hear honking, or notice a long line of traffic piled up behind them.
14. Indecisive drivers: You may remember the Portlandia skit where there are two cars at a four-way stop, and each of the drivers politely indicates for the other driver to go. They sit at the intersection forever. That is real.  And then, there are the people who can’t decide which way to turn, whether to turn, or which lane to drive in, or which parking spot they want. Pain in the ass.
15. Angry drivers: Scary.
16. Drunk drivers: Dangerous. Stay home or take a Lyft.
17. Bad cyclists: Entitlement is a dangerous thing, especially when you don’t wear a helmet or follow the rules of the road. A cyclist once chased me down and swore at me after weaving around me to cut me off from a turn that I had started long before he was in the picture. I almost hit him.
18. Bad pedestrians: The same people who are oblivious drivers are probably oblivious pedestrians. Pedestrian right-of-way does not mean that you can cross the street at any time, any place, without looking up from your mobile screen.
19. Narrow shoes: Lately, I have been inspecting bare feet in sandals, and have noticed that a majority of women have deformed feet, giant bunions and corns, the product of narrow shoes. I myself have a bunion on my left foot. Turns out that foot is wider than my right foot. For some reason, our culture values dainty feet and daity shoes on women, which has led to millions of deformed feet. Drives me batty.
20. Indecisiveness: My own is bad enough. In others, it is intolerable.
21. Dinner: What should we have tonight?
22. Phone solicitors: “Don’t hang up. This is not a sales call,” is a sure sign that it is. I have gone to picking up and hanging up without even listening. The National Do Not Call Directory doesn’t work. Nothing works.
23. Nickel-and-diming: Being a good citizen, I give to a number of charitable causes that matter to me. It drives me bonkers to have them call me every other month, asking if I couldn’t just up my donation a few dollars more. And then there are  the airlines with their add-on fees, the assisted living center where my mom lives, and the list goes on.
24. Bad food: There is no excuse for it. Cooking is not brain surgery. Fresh. Whole. Use herbs and spices.
25. Doctors: In the pocket of big pharma. They don’t know as much as they pretend to know. Most of them don’t care about their patients, let alone care for them.
26. Bad bosses: There are a lot of them, people who have climbed the ladder through fraudulent means or by virtue of having a penis, or by virtue of pretending to have one.
27. Boring work: We all do a lot of it for a paycheck.
28. Undependable people: People who say that they will do something and then fail to do it. In corporate life, this is particularly insidious when you are doing a “collaborative” project and you end up doing all of the work, and the other person ends up taking all the credit.
29. Calves liver: No, just no. I don’t like it in a house, or with a mouse, or in a tree. Your mother does not make it better than my mother. It is just gross, no matter how over or undercooked it is, even if it is slathered in caramelized onions. Ick.
30. Bad coffee: Starbuck is the worst. The best part of waking up is not Folgers. Mr. Coffee is dead. Drip.
31. Bad smells: Feces, farts, rotten eggs, body odor, perfume, skunky pot, bad breath, wet dog, dog breath, especially after your dog has polished off a snack from the cat box.
32. Kids loose in parking lots: I don’t blame them; I blame…
33. Inattentive parents: We live on a park that has a porta-john, and one day I looked out and saw a kid bouncing up and down on top of it, and some sort of brownish liquid was splashing up like old faithful. His dad was standing nearby focused on his phone. I politely suggested that he might not want Johnny to do that, and he just shrugged. If you don’t want to watch your children, don’t have them.
34. Cancer: It kills. I’ve had it. My friends and relatives have had it. We have all had enough of it. I pray that science will prevail, and that one day a magic bullet will be discovered.
35. Death: There is no cure.
36. War: I am against it.
37. Irresponsibility: Making mistakes is a natural consequence of living. Taking responsibility for our mistakes and not blaming others is difficult, but not impossible. No excuses. Just apologize, forgive yourself for your mistakes, and forgive others for their transgressions, and move forward. Life is too short for the blame game.
38. Greed: 99.9% of the problems in our world are caused by greed.
39. Inspirational quotations: They do not inspire me.
40. Climate change: I hate what we are doing to our planet. No laughing matter.
41. People who do not believe in climate change: Idiots.
42. Religious extremism: There is no place for it in the world.
43. Extremism in general: Very bad things happen to good people when extremism prevails.
44. Platitudes: Good things come to those who wait. WTF? Hard work always pays off. Really? Tell me about it. Great minds think alike. I hope not.
45. TED talks: A boring, formulaic self-promotional tool.  Formula: 1. Create well-crafted visuals 2. Open with a joke or cute story 3. Plan a spontaneous moment. 4. Make a statement with complete certainty. 5. Don’t forget to have a snappy refrain that you can repeat in your talk at least 7 times. 6. Be relatable by telling the audience a story about your institutionalization, or the time when your family lived on the streets and ate bugs, because we can all relate to that, right? 7. Make sure that your thesis is one that nobody in their right mind would agree with. Note: Always have 7 steps.  TED talks are nothing more than personal infomercials.
46. Social media has become like MySpace: Social media (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, etc.) have all become inane platforms for self-promotion. You remember what happened to MySpace, don’t you? Social media should be social, not “all about me.”
47. Workplace politics: You can’t avoid them, no matter how hard you try. Best solution I have found is to find the door.
48. All-about-me-ism: Everything today is “all about me.” What about my needs? Identity politics and its prevalence in public life is an example of it. With each day, we become ever more fractured. We believe that our problems are unique to “our tribe (I know, ‘tribe’ is not politically correct),” be it by skin color, ethnicity, religious beliefs, gender, non-gender, sexual orientation, or whatever. We are all people! And, please don’t tell me to shut up because I can’t understand your experience because I am a member of a priviledged class. You are right, I am priviledged, and I am sorry for that, and you don’t understand my experience either. Nobody understands anybody’s experience, but we can, and must, try to understand each other and work it out together if there is ever any hope for our society.
49. Anti-government-ism: Present anti-government sentiments in this country are truly terrifying. Imagine a country without laws that protect our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Imagine a country where equal treatment under the law is an impossibility. Imagine a country without publicly supported roads, bridges, schools, and medical research. Imagine a future in which Donald Trump is king and he has gotten rid of government as we have known it. Imagine hell.
50. -isms: Yep, they all drive me bonkers.
51. Lists: They are terrific when I go shopping, or have a lot to get done. Otherwise, I would rather read some thoughtful prose. I apologize for this list against lists.